“Borrow trouble for yourself, if that’s your nature, but don’t give it to your neighbor.”
–Rudyard Kipling
When you think of bullying, you may tend to think of a kid in gym class being shoved into the bleachers or a teenager being harassed online by other kids. What isn't talked about with similar frequency is bullying that happens to adults. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, the term workplace bullying is defined as "mistreatment severe enough to compromise a targeted worker's health, jeopardize her or his job and career, and strain relationships with friends and family". In other words, it is demonstrable abusive behavior that does more than make you uncomfortable; it negatively impacts your life inside the workplace and out. Examples of workplace bullying include the following:
• Personal threats
• Derogatory comments
• Public humiliation
• Intimidation tactics such as hovering or sneaking up to startle
• Verbal abuse
• Purposeful exclusion of others from meetings or discussions
• Excessive demands, impossible deadlines or unreasonable requests
Bullies crave power due to their own insecurities. They feel that the only way to hold onto power is through coercion . The main difference between the two: A childhood bully's torment can result in emotional damage with long-term and sometimes tragic consequences. A workplace bully adds another ingredient to this mix: the threat of losing one's job.
HOW IT FEELS TO BE BULLIED AT WORK....
The emotional and physical impact a bully may have on a co-worker can be extreme. As mentioned earlier, the fear of losing one's job can be a powerful motivator to stay put, despite the abuse. It is not unusual for adults being bullied to exhibit the following behaviors:
• Dread going to work
• Lose a significant amount of sleep
• Suffer from depression
• Obsess over their job performance
• Rationalize the bully's behavior or begin to believe he or she deserves to be mistreated
• Have difficulties at home due to extreme stress at work
HOW DO YOU HANDLE A BULLY ???
Bullying can not be ignored. If you feel you are being bullied, here's some steps to follow:
1. Evaluate the situation
It's important to trust your instincts in situations like this. If you feel bullied, you probably are a victim. But look closely at what is happening around the person in question. Is everyone afraid of them? Do they have a reputation for this sort of thing? Are you not the only one experiencing this?
If it's happening to others, get together with them and find out how they feel. There's power in numbers.
2. Make notes
When something happens, write it down. Keep a log of every insult, every back stabbing move they make. Documentation is a very powerful tool. Write down dates and times and exact quotes if you can.
3. Don't play their game
It's easy to let someone push your buttons and fly off the handle at them. Don't let this happen. Don't stoop to their level. Remember that this is a professional environment and show some respect for your work. Try your best to ignore the bully and their actions. Don't let yourself be baited. Chances are, the bully is looking for a reaction. When they don't get one, they may eventually stop.
4. Stand up for yourself
It may seem like a contradiction after the last point, but don't let yourself be walked on. You can ignore the bully without sitting down in the middle of the road. What I mean is this: find your voice. If someone is piling irrelevant work on you, respectfully say no. It will take some time to find the right way of doing this, but it can (and should) be done. If you are being left out of meetings, bring it to the attention of the group. Tell them how it makes you feel and what the consequences are to the job. Keep your interactions professional and respectful always, no matter what they hurl at you.
5. Call in the Big Guns
If you've done all you feel you can do, take the issue to your Human Resources Manager. Take your documentation with you and address the issue from a work perspective. Elaborate on how the behavior is damaging your work. Inform them of how important the issue is, stressing your desire to continue working in a comfortable, safe environment.
6. Know when to fold
Once you've asked for help and nothing changes, you may need to consider the possibility of leaving. No one advocates such a decision because it simply reinforces to bullies that they can "push" people out with their behavior. But you have to think of yourself in all of this. It's not worth it to stay in a negative environment just to prove a point. If the bullying is damaging you physically (i.e. you can't sleep, have knots in your stomach or panic attacks) you need to seek professional help. There are also legal steps you can take to help you. Investigate your options thoroughly before making any decisions. And always remember that you deserve a friendly, peaceful environment to work in. We all do.
7. Others
To leave on an empowered note, try the following tactics:
• Ask colleagues and allies for a positive reference letter.
• Understand the laws regarding defamation of character.
• Review your documentation of bullying, and decide whether there is justification for legal action.
• If an exit interview is required, bring along a letter from your attorney
If you want to go beyond simply dealing with the bully and have decided it's time to take action, read on to find out the best way to report what's been happening.
REPORTING A WORKPLACE BULLYING.....
In 62 percent of cases, employers who were informed of bullying behavior either ignored the complaint or targeted the person who filed a complaint . If you are planning to report being bullied, having a record of when, where and how you were bullied is invaluable. In any legal case, evidence must be brought forth to prove a crime has been committed. The same holds true in the workplace. If you are experiencing bullying, it is vital to keep detailed documentation of each instance.
• If your bully writes demeaning emails, print and save them in a safe location. Do not leave them sitting in your inbox.
• Ask co-workers who witnessed a particular incident to corroborate your account of events.
• Check a company handbook or state or federal laws to see whether your civil rights were violated.
• Gather documentation for proof if you believe bully is costing the company money.
Lodging an official complaint against a co-worker or boss can be tricky business and is often riskier for you than the bully. Many human resources departments often view the person reporting the abuse as the troublemaker. While many companies have policies against harassment, many of those same companies ignore complaints or build cases to purge the complainer. "Managers generally function under the traditional illusion that by protecting the bullies in their company, they are protecting their employers and themselves" .
Courtesy: Aashna Bansal.
Posted via email from Les Belles-lettre
